Okay, I know I’m messing w/ the gods here by putting this down for people to read, and I really don’t want to speak out of turn, but…. I think I’ve rounded a corner. Actually I’ve rounded two of them (if I round two corners and if they are both in the same direction, am I technically going backwards again?) I’ve rounded the running hurdle I’ve been dealing w/ for some time. Dare I say it, but so far I’ve been having a good training. I’ve rounded the corner of dread and I’m actually enjoying my runs again. I just did a 4 mile run that contained 3 serious kick-ass hills (think Brodke Hill (the whole thing, gradual and steep climbs) for any Clarks Mills folks reading this) and I kicked butt if I do say so myself. And the weirdest part is that I was actually looking forward to the run before I did it? “WHAT, you ask? How in the world would you look forward to a run like that? And more importantly, how would someone like me who normally has a piss poor attitude look forward to a hard run? I’m not actually sure myself. But I was looking forward to it. And so far, I’ve been looking forward to the long runs on Saturday’s too and have been feeling pretty well during them. And that includes running a much faster pace than I have in years. And now that this week we are supposed to have nice 30 degree temps, I can’t wait to get out and run this week!! Bring it, I say!!
I mentioned earlier that I rounded 2 corners. The second is just my overall mental and emotional state. I think (cross my fingers) the worst is over. The past 2 weeks or so I’ve had a much better attitude and I’ve had less overall dread, less crying, less woes-me and in general I have started to see the light on the other end of the tunnel. It’s been a long 6 months but I’m around the corner. Granted my hubbie probably doesn’t think so and probably isn’t aware of my attitude adjustment, because it might be a bit more subtle on the outside than what I’ve let on in this writing. But it will only continue to get better and then hopefully he’ll notice. When a family goes through a major crisis like we’ve been through sometimes it’s hard to let the “shell” back down because it seems every time the shell comes down something bad happens and I get hit hard and wiped out again. Sometimes it feels like if I just keep the shell up, than when the next bad thing happens I’ll at least be prepared for it. But I’m ready (I think… baby steps) to let the shell down.
So here’s to shells coming down. Here’s to kicking ass on some hard bootie-busting hills. Here’s to enjoying running again. And more importantly here’s to enjoying life again.
Until next time… gotta run.