My lord, what I dry sense of humor you have.

This is total proof that God has one-helluva sense of humor.  Let me set the stage for you… I’d say what I’m about to share ranks right up there with all time depressing reads like: the number on my bathroom scale after eating the cream cheese muffin (see entry titled Anxiety & Pit Stops & Swelling, Oh My! 4/8/11), my 2008/2009 401k end-of-the-year financial statements, Old Yeller and the pie chart that shows social security will run route prior to my retirement.

This snippet was from a larger article about maintaining proper nutrition while marathon training.  It is talking about carb loading…

“You can tell if your muscles are well carbo-loaded if you have gained 2 to 4 pounds pre-event. Your muscles store 3 oz. of water along with each ounce of carbohydrate. ”

You might be wondering to yourself, ‘why the freak out?”  Well, I’ll tell you “why”.  It’s because the past few months I’ve pretty much sustained myself on carbohydrates and water.  If I were to actually calculate the ounces of carbs I’ve ingested… the ticker would count up faster than the national debt ticker/clock in Times Square.  I love, and therefore, live for carbs.  I use marathons as an excuse to consume as many carbs as possible.  I have pretty much cut out almost all pasta out of my diet EXCEPT while training.  And then I eat a lot of it.  Seriously, I eat a lot of it (I refuse to actually give you specific quantities as I’m already too depressed and don’t feel like objecting myself to any more “pasta” themed ridicule).  So, the fact that my muscles are storing 3 ounces of water for each ounce of bread, english muffin, bagel, cereal, cracker  and pasta I eat… well I’m shocked I can even move or at a minimum I’m shocked I don’t waddle like the Octomom did in her 3rd trimester. I should be a walking water balloon just ready to pop.

And to think… I blamed my cankles on the beer I was drinking (but then again… beer does contain carbs AND water!)

I’m glad I now know why I gain weight during every marathon training season… I just wish God didn’t enjoy so many jokes at my expense!

Until next time… gotta run.


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