4 days until the marathon. And I woke up this morning with dread and the realization that I don’t want to run it. I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m thinking this is not the proper mental mindset I need to conquer 26.2 miles. But it’s how I feel. I don’t want to run it.
Let me explain.
I worked my butt off getting ready for marathon #3. I really paid attention to my eating, even before training started to get in the best health that I could. I really concentrated hard on improving my overall strength through cross training. This has helped immensely with my form and that in turn leads to less shoulder and knee pain. I’ve been pretty diligent (not perfect) about stretching too. And I’ve run hills to improve my overall conditioning. I’ve been feeling as good as an almost 40-year-old with no athletic ability and bad knees can feel after logging 500 training miles. I WAS ready for the race. Key word is “was”.
I don’t do well with heat and actually I don’t do well with mildly warmish temperatures. It’s the one single thing that I can not train for January-April. There’s no way to condition yourself for heat like you can hills. And unfortunately winter is being a little bitch and won’t leave Green Bay so I haven’t even been able to get any short runs in spring-like temperatures because I’ve either been running in snow or rain.
I’ve tried to think positive about the weather, hoping positive thinking will miraculously change the weather pattern heading to Champaign on Saturday. I’ve done extra good deeds to try to earn some good karma. I’ve even been having my husband do good deeds so I could borrow his good karma for cool race day temps. I’ve consulted the Magic 8 ball and even lit a prayer candle. And not just any prayer candle, one that belonged to my mom. I figured that bad boy would carry some extra mojo and would swing me a cool day for sure. But so far, nothing has helped. It’s going to be what I consider very warm. And there’s a chance of storms. Which means humidity. If it’s humid, I might as well not even head south. I might as well stay at home and get yard work done instead. And the worst part is that the temperatures that are being projected for Saturday are ideal for everyone BUT me. So no one will realize how much I’m struggling because everyone else will be in their glory. But what people don’t realize is that 60 degrees to me feels like 80 to me and 70 degrees is really my 90. So if you see the temps creeping up to the 70 range, just realize that to me, I FEEL 90 degrees. And trust me, running in 90 degrees is not fun.
And unfortunately I’m having San Diego flashbacks. I over heated and I over heated early. I was pouring water over my head at the water stops while everyone else was basking in the day. I am literally sick to my stomach when I think that I could have a repeat of San Diego. It was nothing short of a truly horrible physical experience. I had to will myself to take a step by mile 6. That’s insane. Everyone can read this post or hear me talk about San Diego and realize it wasn’t fun. But unless you ran it with me, you have no idea. My husband does. It was the longest and most miserable experience for both of us.
And what’s salt-in-the-wound is that it’s easier for people to accept and understand a physical ailment. If I said I had sprained my ankle during San Diego, I’d get sympathy. But when I say, I overheated I just get weird stares from people. It sucks! So the fact that it could happen again makes me sick to my stomach. Literally, I’m sick to my stomach right now.
So while I don’t want to be Debbie Downer, I also need to be a realist. I wish I could truly convey my absolute fear of the weather on Saturday. If the temps are warm on Saturday I will have a very slow, tear filled marathon. And I don’t know if I have it in me to push through another marathon where I hit the wall at mile 6. I don’t think I’m tough even to do it again. Which scares me even more. How does a person train for 4 months for a disastrous marathon AGAIN?
So, if anyone has extra karma coming their way and they want to throw a bit of it at the weather forecast for Champaign on Saturday, I’d sure appreciate it!
Until next time… gotta run (and check the weather forecast again!)