No one needs to see that!

As I type this, the weather in Wisconsin is currently in the high 40s. It’s unseasonably warm and I’m lovin’ every minute of it.  However, this is still Wisconsin and all good things must come to an end. As evidence of this fact, we have 6-8 inches of snow predicted to fall tomorrow.  I’m not sure how the weather goes from almost 50 degrees to a snowstorm in less than 24 hours.  Seems a tad odd but who am I to judge Mother Nature?

But knowing the real Wisconsin weather will eventually rear its ugly head, I am on a constant lookout for good winter running pants.  I’m not going to go into the details of what, in my opinion, makes a good running pant, but I will let you know what DOES NOT make a good running pant.  SPANDEX.  Spandex does not make a good running pant and please, oh please, apparel manufacturers stop making only running tights and start making some winter running pants that appeal to us, non-typical-runner’s-body-girls (aka, girls with big thighs).

Every year, I go looking for a good pair of winter running pants and every year I come up empty-handed.  I believe I’d have better luck trying to find Atlantis or a Kardashian that’s camera-shy, than a pair of running pants that don’t embarrass me.  And how exactly would a pair of running pants embarrass me, you  may ask?  Well, I’ll tell you how.  It’s because no one needs to see me jiggle all over the place in running tights.  This is not a good look for me or for anyway with a not-so-tiny-backside.  And trust me, there are a few more women out there that should take my “bounce and jiggle” test in the dressing rooms prior to heading to the check out counter with a new pair of running tights in their hands.  I know how confusing it can be.  Trust me, I have on many occasion, put on a pair of tights and looked in the mirror and thought “huh, maybe I can pull these off.”  But, and here’s the key, but then I turn around and look at my ass in the mirror.  And I don’t just look at my ass in the mirror, I look at my ass in the mirror while I jump up and down.  When my dimply ass keeps jiggling long after I’ve stopped bouncing, the tights go back on the rack!  Trust me, no one needs to see that.  And granted, I’m a pretty slow runner (and getting slower every year) and there aren’t too many people who actually run behind me, but even one runner behind me that sees that is too many.  And no, I’m not kidding when I say I actually look at my ass in the mirror while jumping up and down.  And quite honestly I think everyone should.  The front of the tights gives off a false sense of security but once you turn around, there’s no hiding what’s back there.

So needless to say, I do not have any new running pants.  I’m still running in fleece lined wind breaker pants I found almost 7 years ago and until I find new fleece lined pants or have Nike and Under Armour come around to my way of thinking, I’ll continue to run in my old running pants.  And while they may be old, at least they aren’t embarrassing.

Until next time,

Gotta run.


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