**Warning this post may contain higher levels of adult language, nudity, stupidity and may not be suitable for audiences of all ages. It may also be deemed offensive by those who see themselves participate in the behaviors I discuss. If you find yourself in the situation in which I’m describing, seriously stop your behavior right now. Just stop. But also please explain it to me first.**
Things I don’t understand_volume 72_YMCA edition:
In no particular order:
- The Y has men’s, women’s and family locker rooms as well as lockers in the main corridor to use. I don’t understand why people insist on bringing their duffel bags into the fitness center with them? I don’t care how carefully you try to tuck it under the weight bench, it doesn’t belong there. Lock the stupid thing up! Do you have a spare kidney in there waiting for organ donation? If not, what’s so fricken important about your gym bag that you need it within 5 feet of you at all times? You see that EVERYONE else puts their stuff in a locker, so why don’t you?
- And speaking of lockers… ladies, I know it can sometimes be crowded in the locker room and finding appropriate space is difficult. But seriously, I don’t understand why you’d ever pick the locker RIGHT next to me. It’s not like all the other lockers are used. There are others open. So why do you feel the need to cozy up to me? I know I have personal space issues, but beyond that, even if I didn’t have personal space issues, it just makes sense to give us both more space. Here’s a little spacing tip for you, just like approaching a bank of bathroom stalls, when there are multiple options open, you never choose the locker or the stall RIGHT next to someone else. Leave at least a one locker/stall buffer. Please and thank you!
- And since we are talking about locker rooms, can someone explain to me the fucking need to get naked and stay naked? I truly don’t understand this one. I understand that I have less self-confidence than the average person, for example, I’m the girl who commits a major fashion faux pas by wearing shorts over her running tights because I don’t want people to see my jiggling ass in spandex. And I know that there are women out there that have way more self-confidence than me or most of society and I’m slightly envious. So when you get completely naked (compared to trying to be modest and change in stages so you quickly throw a tech bra and shirt on while you still have your jeans on) and want to take your time to get dressed, like Bobby Brown once said, that’s your prerogative. But and here’s the butt (pun intended) why do you stay naked? I don’t understand the need to be completely naked and apply lotion to your entire body? How dehydrated did your skin get in the last 60 minutes?!?!?! Also, I don’t understand why you’d actually fucking talk to me when you’re naked and oh my fucking eyes, why would you then proceed to bend over? Where am I supposed to look? How do I divert my eyes to the ceiling tiles without insulting you? But seriously? And for all you naked mirror women out there, what exactly are you looking at? Can’t you do that in the privacy of your own home? Because with you standing in the mirror naked, I’ve now got a full frontal as well as a good image of your ass. Put some clothes on or step away from the mirror.
- And speaking of nipples – guys when you cut your shirts into a muscle shirt from the 80s you look like a tool. And for the guys who’ve taken the scissors to the extreme and cut their shirts to the point where I can now see you nipples, you’ve gone too far. Put the scissors down and walk away slowly. Embrace the sides of your shirts and the sleeves. We get it, you’ve got muscles, I can figure that out without having to actually see them. And I really don’t need your nipples looking at me while we stand across from each other on the universal weight machine. I don’t understand it.
- And now that we’re talking about weight machines. There’s a fine line between resting between sets and just fucking sitting there. I understand how, in a fitness center FULL of people, you can just sit on the machine. I don’t know if you’re scrolling through your phone looking for a new song, if you’re checking Facebook or answering an email and I don’t care. Just get off the fucking machine and do it somewhere else.
- The Y opens weekdays at 5:00am. I don’t understand when I arrive at 5:00am how there are already people in the Y working out and sweating? What time did you get there? Don’t you feel a bit badly for making the staff feel guilty and have to open early? Same goes for the people who are still on the cardio machines 5 minutes before the Y closes. I know you want to finish your workout but have some respect for the people who are working. You may want to finish your workout but they want to go home. Be respectful of their time.
- Much like people who talk on their cellphones loudly in airports, I don’t understand people who talk on their phones while at the Y . I get that sometimes a call may be important, but if it’s important shouldn’t it be important enough to step off of the elliptical and excuse yourself to a more private area? And if it’s not important, stay off your damn phone. When I have my ear buds in and can still hear you when you are 2 machines away, you’re too loud! Get off your phone and get on with your workout.
And if any of my readers see themselves in the situations I describe above, I apologize. I don’t mean to offend you and by no means do I claim to be perfect. To prove the point, here are a few things that I do at the Y that probably annoy others.
- I shed. A lot! Curly hair, sheds. I can’t help it and there’s nothing I can do about it. But what does this mean for my fellow gym rats? It means that I inadvertently leave a trail of long, red curly hair in my wake. And it means you’ve probably at some point had it attach itself to you and weave its way into your clothes. I swear my hair ends up EVERYWHERE. It’s part of the reason I’m a law-abiding citizen. I can’t commit a crime because I leave DNA behind wherever I go!
- I stare. I don’t mean to stare but most times I’m so intrigued, disgusted or even in awe of something I see others do that I can’t help but watch, it helps pass the time while on the bike. The people I’m watching don’t notice, but other Y goers may see me staring down a friend of theirs. It’s a bad habit – I know. But it is entertaining!
- I read the communal magazines while working out on the cardio machines. And I know that’s what they are for, but I can’t help but think it’s kind of gross. We are supposed to wipe down our machines after we are done and basically rid it of our DNA (except my hair – of course) for the next user. That means we wipe our sweat off of it so it’s no longer gross. But how do you wipe down a magazine? Paper is not really meant to be wiped down with disinfectants, but trust, me I’ve tried. I really have. I’ve tried wiping down some pages and then realized it was just stupid so I no longer do it. And because of it, I probably have passed along sweat filled pages of People Magazine. Sorry! But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see if Brad and Jen really had a reunion after Braneglina broke up!
So, as you can see, I’m definitely not perfect. But I hope a few loose strands of hair is less toxic to fellow Y’ers than bent over naked talking!
Until next time,
Gotta run (or swim)