A brand new level of anxiety – otherwise known as the final days before the Fall 50

The taper leading up to the Fall 50 was tough. And while a lot of people go through doubts and ups and downs during the taper, this was different. This was a full-blown war on not only my emotions but also my body. As I’ve already mentioned in another post, emotionally I was a wreck. The roller coaster of emotions I was on was one helluva ride…. up and down, up and down. And physically I too was going on a ride. Every little twinge or ache had me doing an internal scream that could rival any horror queen’s scream. But while I was worried about my body not holding up, my Needle PT, Massage Therapist and Chiropractor all said I was ready. But their support wasn’t enough to calm my nerves, not when I still had shin splints. My shin splints had been getting worse throughout training and were becoming more debilitating. This was no longer just a nuisance, this was full-blown pain that was capable of stopping me dead in my tracks. I couldn’t run through the pain and nothing I did seemed to help it go away. My very last run before the Fall 50 was on the Wednesday prior to the race and I was supposed to do an easy 3-mile run. That “easy” 3-mile run was one of the worst I’ve ever run. The shin splints were so bad I walked over half of the 3 miles. Here I am, a person who is supposed to be getting ready for an epic 50 mile run and I can’t even do 3 fricken miles. This was not good! Needless to say that horrible 3-mile run was not the last run and impression I wanted to have seared in my head leading into the Fall 50. To put it mildly, it freaked me the fuck out and RUINED any chance I had at being able to muster some confidence heading into the weekend. And to clarify, the Wednesday, 3-mile run with shin splints was not my only bad run heading into the Fall 50. Shin splints had caused almost all the October training runs and a lot in September also, to be quite painful too. I knew I was in for trouble when I was in my taper phase and was recovering for the big day, and the mileage I was running was less than I had run in months and months and yet my shin splints were not only not getting better, they were getting worse.

Beyond a few workouts the week of the race, I was also trying to get everything packed and planned as best I could. I hate packing. Even for a nice vacation, I simply hate packing. Probably because I’m such a huge over-packer and even though I over-pack, I still usually forget something. But in the case of the Fall 50, I couldn’t forget anything.  And while I had to pack multiple clothing options, options for when something chaffed or rubbed the wrong way, I also had to have alternative clothing options for the f’d up weather that was predicted – the pressure to make sure I had everything was intense. Basically the weather for race day was “everything and the kitchen sink” . The meteorologists sure didn’t have to go out on a limb to predict any one specific weather pattern, instead they just predicted them all. How the hell do you pack for that? AND, let’s not forget my run was going to take me all day, which means it would be cool in the morning, then get warmer and then cool down again (plus I’d need items for after the run too).  So I literally started packing on Monday and didn’t finish until Friday.

It will surprise no one when I tell you I obsessed about everything that last week. And this obsession made it damn near impossible to concentrate on anything else, especially my job. Thankfully I left work early on Thursday and had vacation on Friday because I was no longer capable of thinking about work. Friday morning rolled around and I wasn’t as nervous as I had anticipated. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to puke and I had more than one freak out moment, but yet I was somewhat calm. My family and friends that saw me on Friday may have a different take, but in my opinion I was doing better than I had expected.

So it was Friday morning, I was packed and ready to head to Door County.

Heading to Door County with me was Brian, Jolene, Ty and Jill. Having other people along made a big difference in helping to keep my internal anxiety from becoming external. We went to packet pick up and saw some more friends. Packet pick up for the Fall 50 is a small, somewhat mellow ordeal compared to large marathons. But because I had friends who were working at the packet pick up, it helped to make it a bit more exciting.

Packet pick up!

When I was at packet pick up, I made a conscious effort to look around the room and take it in.  I also made a point to look at the other runners.  I could not believe I was looking around the room and I was a solo runner. I was standing in a room full of people, some relay runners and some solo runners and I was one of those solo runners.  I was “that” person.  I was “that” runner.  I don’t think I can adequately tell you how it felt to be “that” runner.  I was going big.  I had stepped up, set a goal, trained for it and I was less than 24 hours away from the start of this epic race.  But how did I get here?  I still don’t consider myself a runner.  And I sure as hell knew the other runners in the room didn’t look at me and think… “oh yeah, she’s a “solo”.  It was surreal to think I was a solo, even if I didn’t look the part or really feel any different. The internal turmoil between thinking, “I’m solo… I’m kind of a big deal” and “I’m such a poser, I don’t belong here” was just making my head spin.  While I secretly wanted a big beam of light to come down from the sky and follow me around to proclaim that I was a solo runner, I also didn’t want people to know I was solo because I didn’t want them to laugh and say… “good luck with that”! I couldn’t decide if I was a big deal or not.  The bi-polar aspect of the day was driving me insane.

After picking up my packet we then headed up north to our hotel. I asked Brian to drive the Fall 50 course so I could see it one last time before I had to run it. It was a beautiful fall day in Wisconsin and the course was so beautiful with its fall colors. I tried so hard to appreciate the beauty and take in all the little things. I knew running the Fall 50 wasn’t going to be easy so I was going to have to do all I could to make it tolerable, and that included enjoying the beauty of Door County in fall – and taking it in the day before the run was going to help me remember the beauty and recall it on race day.  But driving the course, you get a new appreciation for just how far 50 miles is and how long it will take you to run it when it seemed to take forever to drive it.

Once I got to the motel, I started to lay out all of my clothes and accessories and prepare for race morning.  By this time my stomach was doing flips and I simply wanted to die.  Laying out my stuff is an organized process, which my mind needed, but it didn’t help calm my nerves. It only raised my anxiety.  It meant the race was getting closer.  And this I just could not fathom.

Now is probably a good time to let you in on a nasty little secret… the reason my anxiety was off the charts was because I didn’t know if I was going to finish the race.  And while I always joke about being too stubborn to quit, and while I knew I wasn’t going to quit – I still didn’t know if I’d finish the race.  This sounds strange, but let me elaborate.  A trick coaches talk about to get you ready for a race and to help calm nerves is to make you envision the race.  See yourself start, see yourself tick off the miles and see yourself finish.  I have used that trick many times in the past.  But this time it was different.  This time I couldn’t see myself finishing.  I had thought about the Fall 50 for months and months and have envisioned myself running the race hundreds of times, but I could not see myself finishing.  I didn’t know how this race was going to end.  But if I couldn’t see myself finishing, that could only mean one thing – something happened that made me stop and not finish.

The pit at the bottom of my stomach was huge and I was on the verge of getting sick.  But time marches on and it was soon time for dinner.

We went to a nearby restaurant for my pre-race meal which was nice.  I had chicken, rice, a baked potato and a beer.  Not necessarily the most traditional carb-loading meal, but it’s the meal I had before my 38-mile run and that went pretty well, so I didn’t want to change anything and decided to order the same meal.

Pre-race dinner.

After dinner it was back to the motel.  I spent a short time hanging with my friends but then I said goodnight and headed back to my room to get some sleep.  Well, I was hoping to get some sleep, but instead I just laid there worried, scared, sick and nervous.   And while one part of me wanted to fall asleep, the other half of me didn’t want to because that just meant when I woke up in the morning, it would be race day.  And I wasn’t ready for race day.  I couldn’t run 50 miles so I didn’t want that day to come.  I could hear my friends laughing through the thin motel room walls, and I so desperately wished I was in their room having fun, instead of being alone in my room trying hard not to cry.

Oh who am I kidding, by this point, I had cried and I had cried often.  And the tears were real.  And they were all coming from a place of fear – fear that I wouldn’t finish.

So as I was trying to fall asleep, I was also trying to picture myself finishing the Fall 50.  But I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t see how the race would end.  How my day would end.  How it would all end….

Until next time…

Gotta Run

#TooStubburnToQuit #DoEpicShit

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Stay tuned for my next post which starts bright and early on race morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pitfall to tapering – mood swings

The taper before any big race is known to most people as the period where the runner/athlete scales back on his/her training to recover in time for the race.  However, for me, the taper means the 2-week period where I second guess every single thing I’ve done in the past months, convince myself that I’m not ready, get emotional over things I can’t control and have mood swings that would make even the most hormonal pregnant woman look calm and serene.

Taper Mood Swing #1:  The cover photo for this blog is from the finish line of my first marathon.  I’ve seen this photo a hundred times and I just love it.  It’s from a view-point that is pretty unique – you see us from behind with the finish line in front of us – and we are all alone.  My arms are in the air in celebration and I just remember how unbelievably happy I felt at that moment.  It always makes me smile, even yesterday when I saw it, I couldn’t help but get a bit nostalgic and happy while looking at that photo again.  But then I spotted my family on the sidelines of the photo.  I could make out my dad in the bleachers and that was enough to take my “high” down to a “low”.  I had a trickle of a tear fall down my cheek when I saw him and realized once again, that neither he nor my mom will get to see me finish the Fall 50.  My dad had only seen me run that one marathon and my mom never even knew I was capable of running more than a mile or two.  This just makes me so, so sad.

Taper Mood Swing #2:  I have known for years – ever since I even started to contemplate the thought of running the Fall 50 – that I wouldn’t finish this race within the imposed 11-hour cutoff time period.  It was never a thought that I’d be finishing within 11 hours and I’m okay with that.  Well, I was until yesterday.  The thought of doing all of this and “falling short” and not getting an official time really hit me hard.  In one single, hormonal mood swing I felt like I had wasted my time training because “it’s not even going to count”.  If it doesn’t count, then why the hell am I doing it?  All of a sudden, I very much wanted this to count and I wanted to finish within 11 hours but with my GI issues that force me to make so many bathroom stops, it’s just not realistic.  And then my sadness changed to anger.  Anger over the fact that I have such an unbelievably bad digestive system that I could conceivably add 30-60 minutes onto my time just for bathroom stops.  Seriously!?!??!  How is this possible?  How can my body be so fucked up?  How have I not found a solution to this problem?  And why do I have this and no one else?  Why, I ask, why?  It really fucking pisses me off.  I’m healthy and active, I should have a better handle on my body than this.  If it weren’t for my GI issues, there would be a really good chance that I could finish under 11 hours.  That’s a hard reality to come to terms with and one that makes me sad and angry.  Yesterday I was sad.  And yes another tear trickled down my cheek.  But today I’m angry.  I’m also angry that the cutoff time is 11 hours.  That’s bullshit.  And it’s arbitrary.  Unlike the Ironman, where no matter what Ironman you compete in, the cutoff is the same – 16 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds.  But there is no set standard for a 50-mile race.  I did a quick search today and I saw cutoff times as high as 13 or 14 hours.  Thirteen or 14 hours, that’s so not fair.

Taper Mood Swing #3:  I was in a good mood and excited about the Fall 50, but now, as I type this…. I’m so over it.  I have no excitement.  None.  Someone just mentioned race week and I had to fake it for her because I have no excitement. And it’s not because I’m nervous.  Right now, I’m nothing.  Not excited, not nervous, not worried, not anxious…. I’m just over it.  And even though, now at this time, I’m over it… I pity the person who I meet that doesn’t portray excitement about it.  I’d probably punch that person in the throat!

So yeah, taper mood swings are running full throttle.  But at this pace, I’ll cycle through all possible moods and emotions by noon on Thursday and then hopefully I’ll be back to being even-tempered and somewhat of a normal person once again.  But until then… if you are going to have any contact with me… good luck!

Until next time,

Gotta run

#toostubburntoquit #doepicshit

It hasn’t been all bad

As my Fall 5o journey nears the end of the road (pun intended), I took a moment this past weekend to look back at some of my blog posts from this summer.  I have to say, some were hard to read.  I guess I had forgotten how horrible some of my training runs were or how low I was mentally and emotionally at some points along the way.  The negative emotions came flooding back and I remembered a lot of the difficulties that I’ve endured. And while it was hard to read some of the older posts because it reminded me of how hard this whole thing has been, it also made me a bit excited that I got through it!  At some points, I wasn’t so sure I was going to make it through.  And while there were so, so, so, so many difficult times, I feel it’s only fair to give props to some of the not so difficult times.

While it didn’t seem like it from my older/angry posts, I did try to find things that I enjoyed while training and I tried really hard to appreciate the simple things.  So, as I’m within 11 days from the event, I think it is only fair to list some of the things I enjoyed about my training.

• Spotting deer while running.  Brian’s trained me well, I’m really pretty good at being able to spot a deer, even from a distance.  I would typically see the most deer at dawn or dusk,  The sliver of sun, a wooded area and a peaceful deer staring at me from a distance… so serene!
• Random bird sightings.  Turkeys are pretty plentiful around Green Bay, but sometimes you can approach them pretty close before they freak out and take off running.  Turkeys crack me up, they are seriously such a stupid bird!  While running in DC, I spotted a handful of Blue Jays, which I was very excited about because one lone Blue Jay has started coming to our bird feeder at home and I’ve never seen Blue Jays hanging around before so I’m a bit obsessed with them now.  So I’m excited to see more of them.  I also saw a woodpecker.  Actually I heard him before I saw him.  He was really big, bigger than I had expected.  I had never actually a woodpecker in person, it took me by surprise.
• A lone fox.  The only other wildlife of note that I spotted on my run was a fox.  I’m 95% sure it was a fox.  It was about a 1/2 mile ahead but by all accounts, it’s the only animal it could have been.  It wasn’t a dog or cat, I’m pretty sure it was a fox.
• The random support from strangers.  The woman who clapped for me when I ran past her, the walkers in Door County that wished me luck, the elderly gentlemen getting coffee at the gas station that were concerned but supportive, the older woman who was taking out her garbage as I ran past that said, “you get it, girl” or the tween boy who high-fived me as he rode past me on his bike…. unsolicited support from complete strangers – man, every single encounter meant the world to me.  And none of them have any idea what impact it had on me!
• Tourist scenes from Door County.  I have to say, this falls under the love and hate columns.  As I was running past them, and running for hours and hours and hours, I hated what I was seeing and I wanted to secretly hurt all the tourists I was running past in Door County, but in truth, some of it was really beautiful.  I could have filmed a tourist commercial for DC.  The people doing yoga on paddleboards, the other yogis practicing on the beach, the speed boats and sail boats, the families biking through the State Park, the girlfriends window shopping, the young family playing on the beach, the elderly couples talking early morning strolls holding hands, and the college guys having their early morning coffee while shaking off a bit of a hangover… all memories I love and hate.  I only hope to do most of those next year myself and while I’m doing it I hope to spot a runner run past in the midst of his/her training!
• Stunning sunrises and beautiful scenic views.  The only good thing about getting up before dawn is seeing the sunrise.  And there were a few pre-dawn  Door County runs that allowed me to see the sun rise bounce off of the water.  So beautiful.  Besides beautiful sunrises, I’ve seen other beautiful snapshots from under the brim of my running hat:  fresh cut hay, trees forming a canopy over the road,  rocks dangling from the bluff over the edge of the road and wooded trails with foliage so pretty it reminded me of my childhood and playing in the country woods.  It’s not too often you get to see so much beauty, over and over again.
• Laughs.  I don’t think anyone is more shocked by this one, than I am.  Brian and I have never spent so much time together doing something difficult then the time we’ve spent together during my training, yet we not only didn’t kill each other, we managed to have some laughs.  I didn’t once stab him during some grueling training runs, instead I surprised myself and had a good laugh or two with him.  Brian driving past me ringing the cowbell and clapping the clapper at 6am when all the Door County tourists were still sleeping and when I reminded him that people were trying to sleep, he did it even louder.  For some reason, that just made my day.  It was a wake up call for all of those sleeping tourists… literally!  And let’s not forget about the time he had Curtis hanging out the window as he drove past, or when he was biking with a smiley faced helium balloon on his bike helmet.  Yep, I managed to laugh even though most of the time I wanted to cry.
• Sense of accomplishment.  I have to say the best thing about my Fall 5o training was the sense of accomplishment when the training run was done.  There were many times I didn’t think I could go on and didn’t think I would finish my run, but when I did, the overwhelming sense of accomplishment and joy was huge.  Once, when my run ended at the very edge of the park – where the Fall 50 finish line is located – I started to cry.  At that point, it was one of my longest runs ever and it was within eyesight of where I’ll be finishing the Fall 50.  I couldn’t help but cry.  And my last long run, the 9 hour/38-miler, made me throw my hands up in the air as if I had won the Super Bowl.  I couldn’t help it, it was completely spontaneous;  when my watch hit 38.00 I threw both of my arms up in the air and let out a victory scream.  I did this even though there were cars driving past and looking at me like I was a crazy woman.  But I didn’t care.  I had just ran 38 miles in 8 hours and 57 minutes and I was fricken ecstatic.  I had never been so proud of myself and I felt so accomplished.

This sense of accomplishment is what’s going to help me keep going during the Fall 50.  I’m sure there will be plenty of times throughout that day where I’m going to struggle but knowing how I felt when I didn’t stop during my training runs, and how good it felt when I was done, will motivate me to keep moving.  I truly can’t imagine what finishing the Fall 50 will actually feel like and how much more of a sense of accomplishment I’ll have when the day is over.  I crave this feeling.  I need this feeling.  This feeling will help get me to the finish line.

Until next time,

Gotta run.

 

#toostubborntoquit #doepicshit

4 runs over 30 miles and other items of importance

“I’m oh so tired.  Just so very tired.”

If I were a Real Housewife, that would be my tagline.  And it pretty much sums up my training, my summer and my life.

And because I’m so fricken tired, I’m going to try to write the post quickly so I can get on to doing other things so I eventually can get some rest!

Here’s what’s going on, why I’m so tired and some general thoughts as I’m approaching 6 weeks out from the big day:

• So far in training, I’ve had 4 runs that went over 30 miles: 31, 33, 35 and 33 respectively.  And the time on my feet ranged from 6.5 to 7.5 hours.  And I can’t tell you how fricken thrilled I am to have four runs in over 30 miles.  That gives me so much confidence.  Granted I’m still a long way off from 50 miles, but when I finished my 35 miler, and even though I couldn’t have run another step that day, I totally could envision myself running another 15 on race day.  Not bad considering I’ve run marathons and couldn’t envision myself running another 5 to hit the 50K mark.  So I’ve made a lot of progress.
• And what’s even more amazing than the fact that I’ve been routinely running more than 30 miles for my long training runs, is that I’ve done it with absolutely no fanfare.  It’s just me and my husband as my crew. I get up early, I run.  I run a large part of the day, and then I go home.  Sometimes I go about my life, ie. laundry, etc.  But I’m not going to lie, for the most part I go home and nap.  But the next day is laundry.  And another 3-4 hour run.  And again, no fanfare.  No medals, no posters, no post-run party.  Just on with my life.  I go to work on Monday and no one is the wiser.  For all they know, I could have spent my entire weekend sitting on the couch watching the Real Housewives of Orange County, not putting in 44+ miles.  I find this amazing.
• Speaking of no one knowing, I couldn’t look any less like a person capable of pulling off this athletic feet.  The surprise on people’s faces when they hear what I am training for is somewhat amusing but also very annoying.  It’s actually not even surprise as much as it is, “are you sure… YOU are doing it?”  It’s a genuine disbelief.  This comes from chiropractors, sales people in running stores, co-workers, just about anyone.   And I’m not being overly sensitive, I’ve seen the look in people’s’ eyes and seen that quizzical look flash across their faces too many times.  I can spot it instantly.  They try to hide it because they don’t want to offend me, but I spot it every time.
• I have to say, I’m pretty damn proud of how pleasant I’ve been on my long runs.  Even Brian can’t totally disagree.  I’ve been much more crabby during marathon training in cooler weather than I have been during Fall 50 training.  Yay me!  I rock.
• Ever since the hot and horrible 5 hour run many weeks ago when I thought I could crew myself but Brian ended up showing up and helping, he’s pretty much been with me for all of my long training runs.  He’s missed some of my Sunday runs, but only because I told him I could do it on my own, otherwise I’m sure he’d have been out on the route crewing for me.  When I think of the time and effort he puts in to EVERY FRICKEN SATURDAY LONG RUN, I’m blown away.  I don’t think I can truly convey how much I need his support during these runs.  Not only from a pure logistical standpoint, which is true, but from an emotional one too.  And ironically the emotional support he gives me is not him being my cheerleader, or drill sergeant.  Nope, his support comes in the form of silence.  When I struggle, he doesn’t give me pep talks and he doesn’t yell at me.  He knows that I’m already doing both of those in my own head, I don’t need him to do it for me.  I need him to let me work the hard times out on my own – which he does – and I just need to know he’s there – which he is.  Often times he bikes behind me and we don’t say a word  to each other.  And I’m good with that and he is too.  It is probably reflective of our entire marriage 🙂 but it works for us.
• Years or months ago, when I was thinking ahead at my training for the Fall 50, I thought I’d be able to do a lot on my own and I also thought I’d have other people besides Brian go with me on runs.  But other than one other friend who has ventured up to Green Bay to bike with me a few times (thanks Jill!), I’ve taken this journey with Brian and only Brian.  I never would have thought us spending this much time together – and time when I’m in distress –  would be good for our marriage but I have to say, we are making it work and actually having a few laughs along the way.
• And speaking of laughs…. last week during my 7.5 hour run I was in desperate need of a bathroom but I was 1.5 miles away from the nearest bathroom.  I was realizing my worst fears.  I thought I was going to have to finally do something I’ve put off doing all of these years… I thought I was going to have to shit in the woods.  I have many reasons why I don’t want to shit in the woods but one of the biggest reasons is that I don’t know how!  Seriously, I don’t know how.  It’s not the same as peeing in the woods, there’s much more involved and the level of effort is incredibly different.  So I asked Brian to show me how to shit in the woods.  And you know what?  He wouldn’t show me!!  The bastard.  I mean seriously.  I even pulled the, “I can’t believe you don’t love me enough to show me how to shit in the woods” card.  Still nothing!
• And for those wondering my run/walk combination helped me make it to the next bathroom and I never did end up shitting in the woods.  So I’m still a shitting-outside virgin!
• As I already mentioned, I give myself the pep talks and/or the drill sergeant commands while I’m running and that has been the key to me getting through my training.  But outside of the actual training run, my coach has been so invaluable with helping me through the mental aspects of this crazy journey.   At the end of this post I’ve copied an email that is between me and my coach so you can get a glimpse into our dynamics.  He knows me and knows what I need and when.  Thank god I hired him.
• I knew coming into this that the training would be hard and that I’d have to talk myself into getting out the front door every day or completing all of my training runs.  But I don’t think I could fully comprehend the difficulties involved in talking yourself into a 7.5 hour run.  Or multiple 7.5 hour runs!  The sheer number of times during 450 minutes of running that I think about stopping is staggering. It’s easy to sit here and type about it days later and I’m sure it’s even easier to read about it.  You think, “yep, I’m sure it’s hard.”  Or “wow, I can’t even imagine”.  And you’re right, you can’t even imagine.  I always say the race day is the victory lap for all the hard work put in during training.  So in reality it’s completely backwards… the cheering, party and medals should happen when it’s 85 degrees and humidity is pushing the temperature into the 90s and I am only 2 hours into a 7.5 hour run and it’s not going well and I see fricken paddle boards on the Bay or families enjoying their coffee at outdoor cafes or when I can’t get past the tourists walking from cute boutique to quaint art shop… that’s when the signs should come out, when the cowbells need to be rung and when the party needs to happen. (And in all honesty, Brian does actually bring out a cowbell and clapper for my training runs!  Seriously, he’s been a fricken rock star crew captain!!!). Maybe this is a side job for me for other people training for endurance events.  Maybe their spouse could hire me to Rock the Training Route for their athlete?  Hhhmm, I may be on to something.  I could sell my Route Rocking services to area training groups.  I may need to give this some more thought!
• I’m not sure how many of you know that most of my long training runs have been on the actual Fall 50 course and that the course is through quaint little tourist towns in Door County.  It is at times unbearable running through the streets of these towns while couples and families are vacationing.  Down right painful.
• Running through the streets of Door County that are home to most of the tourists makes me want to shout in anger, but on the flip side I have had a few interesting encounters on the quiet back roads of the course.  (First, I have to start by saying that 95% of the runners I meet running in Door County are running on the wrong side of the road.  WTF?  Why?  And while 95% are running on the wrong side of the road, another 3 % are running or walking in the middle of the road.  I kid you not.  And these are narrow, windy and hilly roads with horrible visibility.   What are they thinking?  The only reasoning Brian and I could come up with is one of two options.  1.  They are all from Illinois and are so entitled they feel they can run or walk wherever the hell they want.  2. They grew up in the city and never actually walked or ran on a road or street.  Only sidewalks or trails.  But is that something city dwellers don’t know?  Does it have to be learned?  Is it not intuitive to NOT run with your back to the very vehicle that can run you down and kill you?)  But any way, back to some of the people I’ve met running out in the country.  Brian’s actually had a chance to talk to some of these people while he was waiting for me to run up to him.  They ask what he’s doing and he tells them.  Then when I finally arrive, I get a lot of encouragement from these folks.  Some “good lucks”, some “I could never do that” and a few other cute lines.  It’s so short and simple but it really means a lot hearing it from strangers.
• Unlike marathons where I can run it and only consume water, Gatorade and a few packets of energy gel, an ultra requires much more fuel.  I’ve tried to figure out what works best for me.  I’ve discovered that while I LOVE peanut butter in my normal life, I can’t eat it while running.  It’s just too “thick” for my liking.  I also discovered that sweet foods don’t appeal to me either while I’m running.  I definitely sway towards the savory/salty options.  The two items that work the best for me are rice and bacon in a tortilla wrap or just rice and bacon rolled into a ball.  And I also eat Cool Ranch Doritos and those are probably what I crave the most while running.  The salt and flavor appeals to me.  Not sure why, but it just does. I also consumer liquid fuel too.  Brian mixes it for me and I carry it in a flask on my fuel belt along with flasks of water.  And rounding out my nutrition is energy gels.  I usually end up consuming a few hundred calories of the energy gels.  I have no set routine as to what I consume or when.  It’s whatever appeals to me at that very moment.  The past two weeks, I’ve noticed I’ve consumed less than normal.  This past week Brian was worried and said I wasn’t getting enough fuel in me.  I felt like I was still eating and drinking a lot, but considering I was burning off 3500 calories, I probably wasn’t.  But nothing sounded good and I just didn’t want anything but water.  This may have had more to do with the fact that I was hot and the water was cold, than anything else.  But I have to make a conscious effort to consume more fuel for each long run.  The last thing I want to do is bonk!
• I keep joking with Brian that training for an ultra is much like being pregnant (even though I’ve never been pregnant, I’m basing this off of my general pregnancy knowledge).
  • I’ll be training for the “big day” for about 40 weeks!
  • My body is no longer my own and weird things are happening to it.
  • The amount of water my body is retaining at any given time is shocking.
  • I am rarely comfortable.  In any position…  Standing sucks.  Sitting sucks.  Laying down sucks.
  • I can’t sleep.
  • Hemorrhoids
  • My sense of smell is heightened.  It’s strange and it makes no sense.
  • I’ve got a severe case of brain fog.  Much like “pregnancy fog”, when people start losing it and simple things become difficult and ordinary tasks are forgotten, etc… yep I’ve got that too.
  • I’m tired.  All. The. Time.
  • I’m no fun and rarely go out because all I want to do is sleep.
  • I eat all the time.
  • I have food cravings.  During a mid-summer heat wave I asked Brian if he could make me a pot roast!
  • To be polite, people ask how things are going, but most don’t really care.  They just feel obligated.  And once the big day comes and goes, people will stop asking all together.
  • Frequent trips to the bathroom.
  • I want the day to come but yet I know it’s going to be painful, will take hours, it will forever change my life and there’s a better than average chance I may shit myself!
• And as I think ahead to my big day, I can’t help to think of Brian’s big day a year ago.  A few days ago, it was the first anniversary of my husband becoming an Ironman.  That was such a crazy cool day and I know I will never forget it.  I looked back at all the support he had from people who came out to cheer him on and those who followed the day-long journey back home.  I know that support meant a lot to him and helped him get through the day.  I have no idea who may or may not come to Door County for my run because everyone has a life and ultra endurance events are becoming “common” among our friends (hell, I’m the 3rd in my small circle of close friends who is attempting this) so it’s not as big of a deal, and that’s okay.  I’m trying not to think too much about who may or may not show up.  Along this whole journey, I’ve been growing a lot and trying to be happier for “me”.  I’ve taken on this journey and this challenge for “me”.  I need to prove to myself that I can do this, and I can do it alone.  I am running solo for me and only me and if not one single person came to DC to watch me (other than Brian, that is… he has to come!) that it would be okay.  I’ve trained solo and I can run event day solo too. I keep saying this is my Mt. Everest and if that’s the case, no one has a Route Rockin’ Crew at the top of the mountain.  So if people show up – bonus.  If no one shows up – I’ll still climb Mt. Everest!

+++++++++++++++

Email between me and my Coach from August 17th.

Let me first say, from a coaching perspective you are doing a nice job.  Always good to hear the good, bad and ugly.  It really does give me perspective on how to move forward.

Secondly, your goal is achievable but not without discomfort.  If it were easy, then everyone would be doing it.  One thing I really like about this distance is that it does help “weed out” those that just try to get up off the couch and run “just because Bob/Frank/sister/neighbor/etc… can do it”.  This distance is not to be taken lightly nor is it easy.  People are starting to (much to my dismay) sign up for an event like a 13.1 without much training.  After this is all done and said, know this……..YOU Marla put in the time, effort and discomfort it takes to get through not only the event itself (barring any unforeseen issues) but more importantly the training behind the event.

See inset below IN CAPS for specific comments regarding your comments.

++

Just checking in to give you an update on my weekend, the good, the bad and the ugly!  FEEDBACK IS GOOD.

Ran in Door County on Saturday to try and beat the heat.  Did 6.5 hours on Saturday and did 31 miles, 2 less than what I did last time.  BUT, I think I may actually have had a better run because I accidentally wore the wrong watch for the first 23 miles and my watch didn’t stop when I stopped for fuel, bathroom breaks, etc.  So it kept running which means my time kept ticking away.  The data is a bit confusing when I looked at it afterwards, but I think because my “breaks” where calculated into my overall time, contrary to what I did 2 weeks ago, I think it may have been better.  BREAKS SHOULD BE COUNTED, BECAUSE ON RACE DAY BREAKS COUNT.

For the most part I felt okay.  Thank god for the shade!!  My feet gave me much more trouble than ever before.  Just achy and swollen.  By hour four, I was getting a bit bored and fatigued but I rallied.  Brian thinks I looked better when I finished compared to last time, but I didn’t necessarily feel better.  I didn’t really feel worse either.  All-in-all, I have to say I’m pretty satisfied with my run and I think it went well.  Now I have 2 runs over 30 miles!! Woot!  LOVE TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE COVERING 26.2+++.  “TOUGHENING UP” PAST THE MARATHON DISTANCE.  THIS IS IMPORTANT.

But I can’t say the same for Sunday.  Actually the last three weeks, my Sunday runs have been horrible.  Both mentally and physically.  AT SOME POINT DURING THE EVENT (SOMETIMES EARLY, SOMETIMES LATER) ATHLETES OF THIS SORT OF EVENT WILL BE MENTALLY CHALLENGED (AS WELL AS PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED).  IT IS THE MENTAL PIECE OFTEN THAT WE WILL NEED TO PUSH THROUGH.  YOU HAVE BEEN DOING A NICE JOB OF KEEPING THE MENTAL BUG FROM STOPPING YOU.

And this was by far the worst I’ve been.  I had nothing left to give on Sunday – again both mentally and physically.  I gave everything to my run on Saturday that Sunday just sucked.  I was able to muster a slow run (with walk breaks) for the first hour of my 3.5 hour workout on Sunday.  But it went downhill from there.  I basically walked the last 2.5 hours.  I couldn’t will myself to run to save my life and was pretty disappointed in myself.  My feet hurt too so that didn’t help.  But if running was part of the goal for Sunday, I’d say I failed.  If being on my feet was the goal, I managed to get the whole 3.5 hours in, but it was a struggle.  I only did 12 miles total.  It was pretty bad.  YES, TIME ON FEET.  YOU COVERED TIME ON FEET, DESPITE THE DISCOMFORT. THIS GOES BACK TO MY COMMENT ABOUT IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

I know we’ve talked about this in the past, but it just seems as if I respond better to a long, kick-butt workout on Saturday and having shorter workouts surrounding it.  I know the Sunday workouts are technically shorter, but yet they are still pretty long.  They are totally destroying the confidence I build up with my Saturday runs and it kind of bums me out.  I’m always pretty excited and happy with myself after I’m done running on Saturday but then Sunday goes so bad that I finish the weekend on a bad note and bummed out.  Brian keeps telling me not to let Sunday affect me, but I can’t help it.  MENTAL CHALLENGE FOR THIS TYPE OF EVENT IS GOOD.  KEEP FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT.  ALSO, YOU NOW HAVE SPECIFIC RUNNING INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE LONG RUN.  FROM YOUR FEEDBACK I WENT BACK THROUGH SOME OLD TRAINING NOTES AND REVIEWED SOME OTHERS’ COMMENTS ABOUT RUNNING ULTRA DISTANCE.  MANY OF THE COACHES RECOMMEND 5 MINUTES OF RUNNING, 1 MINUTE OF WALKING FOR THE DISTANCE.  FOR YOU, THIS SEEMS A BIT MUCH.  STICK WITH THE SCHEDULE AS OUTLINED ON THE ATTACHMENT.  (I READ RECENTLY THAT IF SOMEONE RUNS A 6 MINUTE/MILE PACE FOR 5 MINUTES, WALKED AT A “BRISK” PACE FOR A MINUTE, THAT PERSON WOULD RUN A 3 HOUR MARATHON…..CRAZY TO THINK THAT THIS WOULD WORK.)  WALK EARLY, WALK AS SCHEDULED, WALK AND RUN AT PRESCRIBED PACES, TAKE YOUR BREAKS AS NOTED.  THIS SCHEDULE WILL HELP TRAIN YOUR MIND AND BODY.  IT TAKES THE WORK HARD ON SATURDAY AND STINK ON SUNDAY BOTH OUT BECAUSE BOTH DAYS HAVE THE SAME FORMULA.  THE VARIABLE DIFFERENCE IS THAT YOUR LEGS WILL GET SOME REST (AND SOME PHYSICAL RECOVERY), BUT WILL FEEL HEAVY ON SUNDAY.  SORT OF LIKE THE LAST MILES OF THE 50.

AIM FOR 200-250 CALORIES/HOUR AS YOUR STOMACH WILL TOLERATE.  AIM FOR 4-8 OZ OF FLUID EVERY 15 MINUTES AS TOLERATED (SKIP SOME IF STOMACH GETS BLOATED).  CONTINUE TO PRACTICE WITH FLAT COKE, CHICKEN BROTH/SOUP, PRETZEL, M&M, PB&J OR WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU.  I REALLY LIKE SOME FLAT COKE AND SOUP TO BREAK THINGS UP (NOT AT THE SAME TIME)

NICE WORK.  KEEP IT UP.

++++

Until next time,

Gotta Run

 

#toostubborntoquit #doepicshit

 

 

Freaked out

I met with my trainer this morning and I got a quick glimpse at the rest of my long runs and I’m not going to lie, I AM FREAKED OUT!

I knew I hadn’t peaked with my 6.5 hour run, and I figured I had an 8 hour run in my future.  BUT A 9 HOUR RUN!!?!?!?!?!  And possibly TWO 9 hour runs???!!!  Followed by 4 hours on Sunday???!!!!?

OMG, I’m seriously freaking out. I can’t wrap my head around two 9 hour training runs.  I understand that I’ll be running more than that during the real race, but that’s race day… that’s different.  And let’s not forget that a 9 hour training run really equals 11-12 hours total with water, bathroom and fuel stops.

And I’m having a really tough time with my Sunday runs.  I spend so much time mentally and physically preparing for my Saturday runs that Sunday becomes an afterthought.  But I can no longer treat 3.5 hours – which is what I’m running this Sunday – as an afterthought.

I need to breathe.  But I can’t.  I’m freaking the fuck out!

Until next time,

Gotta run

#toostubborntoquit #doepicshit